Coote's first win: self-injuring goblins pave path to victory

School Newspaper exerpt:
Finishing their first game with a staggering five casualties, one would presume that the fair 
establishment headmistressed by Rita Coote be a haven for strongmen and similar thuggish brutes.  
Yet these fair gentlewomen enrolled at the academy pack a punch belied by their frail feminine 
   "Ah jest kept hittin 'em, an' they fell down."  Stated a blushing Ayesha with her charming 
American accent.  "An' when they's was down, ah kicked 'em a bit, just to be sure."
   Supplementing the schoolgirls aptitude for destruction were the goblins' uncanny ability to 
inflict the most grievous of injuries upon themselves.  The first mishap occurred in the first 
half, when the star troll Basher attempted to throw a prospective ball carrier upfield.  As 
witnessed by Mina Harker:
   "The large smellish brute took hold of the smaller featuring the unsavory facial condition, 
then he reared back his loathesome paw, and threw forward with every ounce of might he could 
muster. Sadly, he failed to release his grasp in a timely manner, much to the detriment of his 
uncomely teammate."
   Indeed, the result of the play was Jareth's Soldier Yude being spiked into the turf in a most 
uncomfortable-looking splits position, causing a serious Groin Strain which will prevent him from 
playing next week.
   Added Mina, "Yet that small one was quite fortunate in comparison to the second ill-favored git 
thrown by same smellish brute in the proceeding half."
   Goblin rookie Mozbin was released early in Basher's throwing motion, sailing high into the 
air and landing with a resonating thud onto the pitch.  Landing with such force that he 
became embedded, only the tips his toes remaining visible to the casual viewer.  Post-
match attempts at dislodging the corpse failed, and thusly Nuffle officials decided to simply bury 
the fallen player where he lie.
   "Not an ignominious demise by any stretch."  Concluded Head Coach Coote.  "To become a permanent 
fixture of the pitch is an end with which I believe any devout player would be most pleased.  
Future generations will seek --sometimes in vain-- to retain their footing over that little patch 
of blighted ground, as if Mozbin is exuding a tackle zone from beyond the grave."
   Yet all did not go well for the Gentlewomen.  Less reputable and eloquent newstype publications 
than the one you are perusing now, fair reader, fabricated tales of malicious sadism against 
Coote's Correctional Academy, resulting in a drop in Fan Factor.
  Coote's official response was swift and direct:
   "Discipline, fast and hard, is considered a virtue when bringing wayward girls to heel, and 
neither myself nor my faculty shall stay our whips when necessary reinforcement is required.  This 
practice may be shocking to those hailing from established civilized society, yet the willful ways 
of our student body must be tamed before they can join same.  On this point, there can be no 
   The match displaying the obvious results of such steadfast scholarship, the population in 
general were swayed to Cootes' side of the argument, resulting in full restitution of Fan Factor.

Recap and Sundry Details:
  • -1/+1 FF for null net change
  • +60,000 gold crowns, combined with the remaining 10,000 in the school coffers, was sufficient to cover the tuition and subsequent signing-on of Catcher Termagant Flaybum.
  • No lasting injuries were suffered
  • Marguerite Blakeney acquired the ability to Stand Firm in the face of adversity.